The Keller Rohrback cycling team has been training the legs quite a bit this winter, but in our single-mindedness we have allowed the trash talking talents and the general bat-shit craziness to atrophy. If we want to be a complete team, then we really need to step our game up in these departments. With that in mind, and seeing as how Charlie Sheen is recently unemployed we have hired Mr. Sheen to represent Jamie Stangeland in the following interview with FakeVeloCyclingNewsNW.com.
First, some required viewing.
FVCNNW: So Mr. Stangelsheen, two weeks ago you had the first road race of the year at Mason Lake. Any thoughts?
Mr. S: It’s a good start, it’s a GREAT start It’s the first win
FVCNNW: The first win is always a relief. What about more recent races? How did the road race in Sequim and the TT in the Skagit Valley go?
Mr. S: I’m biwinning, I win here and I win there, now what?
FVCNNW: What is your approach to racing?
Mr. S: Let’s just do it let’s meet this thing head on, you are…you are in it to win it.
FVCNNW: Alec Duxbury made it out to Sequim for his first race of the season. What’s it like racing with such an experienced, knowledgeable rider on the team?
Mr. S: I’m talking about an education and then like this, and then that’s the guy, and he’s our dad and we can get all the answers and the truth, WOW winning. It’s how you perceive it.
FVCNNW: How does Mr. Duxbury advise you to approach the competition?
Mr. S: Defeating the nay sayers. You’re either winning or losing, there’s nothing in between
FVCNNW: So aside from Mr. Duxbury, you also have one MR. Ronald Schmeer on your team. He has been helping with your coaching, and I hear that his approach differs from Mr. Duxbury’s. How does Mr. Schmeer have you approach your training and the competition?
Mr. S: With zeal, and focus, and violent hatred.
FVCNNW: You have gone on record multiple times saying that you ‘hate’ sprinting and that’s why you prefer to ride in the break. What are your thoughts regarding the peloton as you put in an attack?
Mr. S: You finally just go yyyugggghh good luck, you’re going to need it. I’m going to be over here, like winning.
FVCNNW: What is your favorite aspect of racing?
Mr. S: Duh, winning!
FVCNNW: This interview is going to anger some folks. Some might say that you are coming across as an arrogant douchebag.
Mr. S: Um…they can say that, but what kind of car are they driving? What kind of girls are in their home? I said girls.
FVCNNW: Mr. Stangelsheen, I’ll grant that you live with two very attractive women, but you don’t even own a car. You aren’t making sense.
Mr. S: I’m gonna live the life the way I want and I’m gonna win inside of every moment, and they can just find the most comfortable chair in their small house and sit back and enjoy the show.
FVCNNW: We are running out of time today, do you have any words of advice for the up and coming racers out there?
Mr. S: You make a choice to win and you win.
FVCNNW: That’s a little over simplistic, don’t you think?
Mr. S: I’m sorry, winning! Starting to get the concept now?
FVCNNW: We’re done here.